Labelled With ...

The news that a local man has been arrested on suspicion of acts of a sexual nature against women on Playa de Muro beach is to be welcomed; it's also not before time. The person in question, it is alleged, has been pursuing his past-time, if one can call it that, for three years. I would suggest that he may not be the only one, or at least he has not been the only one to conduct himself in a rather strange manner on the beach.

The approaches to women all occurred in "isolated" parts of the beach. This refers to the rustic beach, as opposed to the beach backed by hotels. It is a wonderful part of the beach because of its quietness. I guess that's its attraction for those who don't have sunbathing and swimming in mind. Go there with any regularity, and one becomes accustomed to clocking the same few individuals who habitually walk along the beach and also nip in and out of the dunes. It's one thing to perhaps go and hide behind a dune to take a leak or to position yourself behind a dune as shelter from the wind; otherwise, why would you nip in and out? Voyeurism is one reason - the rustic beach attracts nude sunbathers as well as those who don't go kit off - other, might one say, more active impulses are another.

This summer there seems to have been an increase in helicopter activity. One afternoon, a 'copter was hovering for ages above the beach. One can but only assume it was in connection with the attacks on women. While these attacks have not been of a very serious nature, they have obviously been alarming. That the police have now apprehended one of the "beachwalkers", perhaps the handful of others might be deterred from their weird hobby.


LABELLED WITH CATALAN
The United Colombia Association. Bet this is a group you will all be intimately familiar with. Colombia Pictures perhaps, Colombia Records, the Colombia football team, and be careful if you're a defender and are responsible for a World Cup defeat. Bang, bang. The United Colombia Association? Nope, I'd never heard of them either. Could have been the name of a band for all I knew, until, that is, there was a news item which has it that the UCA (let's call them that) is to introduce a local campaign that boycotts the purchase of products that are labelled only in Catalan. Moreover, UCA reckons the Unió Mallorquina party is xenophobic. What was I saying the other day? Well actually what I said the other day was that, the occasional rant against the foreign infidel notwithstanding, the UM is pretty moderate. UCA clearly disagrees. And it wants us to stop buying all those Catalan-only-labelled products because we won't understand what's in them. Maybe so for Colombians. For us mere Brits, it makes no difference. Don't understand whatever language it is, unless it's English; and even then there's probably a problem. Personally, I like the practice of Basque-based supermarket chain Eroski of including four languages on their own brands, one of which is Basque. What sort of a language is that!? Here are a few Basque words from a shower-gel bottle - "horiexek", "zumurrik", "bizigarriak", "ongizatezko". Brilliant. My sort of language. Utterly impenetrable and unlike anything else. Catalan? Phar, too much like others; too damn understandable. Label everything in Basque I say. Goats' bollocks in brine. Could be for all we would know. But they would be delicious, or maybe not. And anyway, where are all these Catalan-only-labelled products? Even if there were huge numbers of them, of which I am unaware, this is not the issue. No, the issue is to buy Basque, and Basque alone. That way no one will have a clue.

Incidentally, there is also a Basque word "usain", which means ... Sorry, I've no idea, but it is of course the name of the Jamaican Olympic sprint champion. Don't know why I bother mentioning this. Just thought you might be interested. Or possibly not.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - John Martyn (and one-time missus, Beverley). Today's title - the missing word starts with "l" and has four letters, as if you didn't know. Who?

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